I Hate My Job — Amarinda Jones

Maud Croker leaned against the back wall of the conference room and blew out a sigh. I swear to god I have heard all this corporate bullshit so many times before. Wayne Nelson had just announced that he was resigning from Cacoffeeny, a company whose slogan was bringing ‘coffee to the chaotic' and looking forward to moving on to ‘new challenges.' The interpretation of that was he was being shafted out of the company. Everyone knew that. They were aware Wayne had a knife at his back and was being made to go. While it was true he was about as effective as a chocolate fireguard, the staff liked him because he let them do what they wanted. That was a huge bonus to Maud. She liked to spend her days at work doing anything but work. Besides, if they didn't want her to use the internet or the printer then they shouldn't have put those temptations in her place. At least that's how Maud saw it.
She looked at the new guy as he walked over to take Wayne's place in addressing the twenty-odd staff who had turned up to the meeting. There would have been two more but for the fact Angelo and Clarissa were off sick today. Maud smiled. Sick my ass. It was a well-known fact they were shagging each other senseless due to the fact Clarissa's live-in girlfriend Amelie was out of town and Angelo had a dick and Clarissa craved it. She had confided in Maud that a tongue would only get her so far, a fist was too big but Angelo was ‘just right'. Maud had to agree about the tongue. The fist, she wanted to try before condemning it. And as for Angelo? I could so do him.
Thinking about dick, she looked over at fellow employee Craig and wondered what he looked like naked. Maud often wondered that. He was tall, lean and lithe. ‘Panther-like' the cleaner, who came in every Thursday at three o'clock, described him. Maud nodded absently, her gaze running from his jet black, razor-cut hair down to an ass she wanted to grab and hold onto as he pounded into her. Yep, he was sleek as. Not that he ever noticed her. He was only interested in the accounts bitch, Marian, who was ugly as sin, but reportedly liked to be tied up, whipped and humiliated by the multiple men Craig was known to associate with. Maud heard someone refer to them as ‘Craig's six-pack.' Whipping? Humiliation? No thanks. Tied up with multiple dicks at the ready? I could do that.
It had been six months, twenty-four days, sixteen hours, thirty-seven minutes and nine seconds since Maud had been with a man. Yeah. She had been counting. Frustration did that to you and while her glittery, thrusting jack rabbit lavender dildo was good, it wasn't the same as hot, sweaty male flesh and sticky cum coating your skin.
Someone laughed and her attention went from cum to the new bloke who was taking over. The best that could be said of him was he looked like a Muppet. He had a bland shaped oval face with a nose and ears that looked like they had been stuck on. The ears were too small and the nose was too big. Maud pondered the theory it wasn't just big feet in a man that indicated a large dick. Lordy, I have dick on the brain.